Sugar Daddy was not a term I was familiar with in my 20s. By the time I became a father in my 30s I had heard of it. Now that I am a single father in my 40s I’m apparently starting to look like a potential Sugar Daddy, to some women at least. In the bizarre world of online dating this shows up in two different ways – those who make no attempt to hide their agenda and those who favor a more subtle approach.
To be clear from the outset, I do not initiate the “like” or swipe on any woman’s profile that seems to be either obviously or probably seeking a Sugar Daddy arrangement. The examples below are shown from being on the receiving end of somebody’s “like”. Both of these happen to be from Hinge but I’ve seen this elsewhere too.
The Direct Approach:
Here is one example of a young lady (only 19, if she is to be believed) who makes no bones about what she is looking for: “Something mutually beneficial with some who is kind care and a real genuine person” (sic).
“Mutually beneficial” is code for Sugar Daddy. The idea being that a man benefits from access to a (typically younger) woman and the woman benefits from her access to his wallet. This strikes me as a purely transactional relationship: I give you money and you give me sex.
What is the difference between this and prostitution, I hear you ask.
I don’t really see a difference. I suspect that the romanticized version in peoples’ minds is some sort of Pretty Woman scenario. In this case, the young lady wants someone who will respect her and care for her. Hey, maybe she’ll find it and I wish her luck. These are tough times. I did not like her back so this is conjecture on may part.
Coyness and Feigned Naiveté:
This case is very different. First of all, her profile mentioned nothing about a mutually beneficial arrangement. Second, she seemed to be educated and fairly worldly – apparently a college graduate with several pictures from different destinations around the world, and not the usual tourist traps either. I noticed these things in my initial cursory skim of her profile. I matched and said hello. Then I took a closer look. Hmm…26 years old. Yikes, probably a decade or so too young for significant compatibility. Maybe she just liked my picture and didn’t notice my age.
I pointed out the age gap very directly and highlighted the fact that I have kids. Neither of these things seemed to deter her. At this point I was starting to have my suspicions, obviously. She’s either looking for something very casual, has daddy issues, or wants a daddy, a sugary one (not that these things are mutually exclusive).
“I don’t really know how to describe it” – Sugar Baby.
The end of the conversation amused me but I think it was likely caused by timing. I think she wrote “That sounds good to me” and hit send before she read the part where I said I was not interested.
Of these two approaches, I much prefer the direct variety. It allows me to quickly dispatch a profile without engaging in any dialogue at all.
I have to confess, since I started writing for Daily Male Check I have been engaging in some conversations for the sake of research rather than out of conviction that there is a potential relationship in the offing. I have mixed feelings about doing this and assuage my guilt by doing whatever I can to be polite, apart from when I am interacting with scammers….but that is for another post 🙂
Update:
I came across this one yesterday and figured it was worth sharing here as an example of a woman being very clear about what she is looking for. She goes crazy for money, she would never again date a man for free…she’s spiritual? At least you would have no doubts about what you’re getting (for your money) in this case so no need for the caveat emptor.
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